Recovery

Recovery doesn’t just happen because one stops drinking and using drugs; especially in the beginning, it takes diligent hard work and sacrifice. I think this may be the hardest lesson we have to learn as alcoholics and addicts new to sobriety, that even though now sober we continue to think function, and make decisions with a "diseased" brain. Quitting is the easy part, it’s staying sober that is the real trick.

Those in AA say to change people, places, and things. A therapist might say it also requires cognitive behavioral training. A pastor might say that it takes faith and finding one's spirituality. And they would all be right. One has to proactively work a recovery program, consciously setting aside time and resources not only to stay clean and sober, but to maintain a healthy and progressive mindset.

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Being more by becoming less would be a good way to explain my definition of spirituality. Helping others without any ulterior motive other than the fact it makes one feel good, yeah its sounds easy but for the diseased selfish mind of an alcoholic or addict it is a very foreign concept.

Even after years of sobriety and good deeds, the “becoming less” part of the equation can be elusive. By this I mean taking oneself out of the picture totally, becoming the disappearing alcoholic. Doing something without looking for a reward from the person helped or those that notice- instead generating that reward, good feeling from within. That’s spirituality… something I had replaced many years ago with alcohol. It’s a huge part of my recovery process now, but still something that for me comes less than naturally.

Those who work the twelve steps would consider it the last, “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts and alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” For me it’s less about carrying the message (even though my name tag reads Discovering Alcoholic) as it is following through with the practice of selfless service. I know selfless service may sound like an awful lofty goal, but for those of us who battle addictions it should be considered one of the benchmarks for recovery. It’s evolution, moving from the quest of seeking reward from external substances and sources to enjoying a spirituality that we personally create through our thoughts and actions.

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Much to my wife’s chagrin in company I identify myself as an alcoholic when I feel it is relevant. Although definitely a topic for discussion this post is not about the fact that I can say this comfortably in public, instead it is about what I often do not say… “Recovering”.

This point was brought up in a meeting not too long ago as we were discussing some of the reasons I openly admit my alcoholism. These reasons include 1) to put others with addictions at ease when we are discussing personal issues, 2) to make family members and friends realize this is a common problem and there should be no shame in coming out talking about these sorts of problems, 3) to serve as an example that just because one is an alcoholic, doesn’t mean they have to be a gutter drunk, and 4) to stand up when others speak act discriminately or have gross misconceptions about the subject of alcoholism and substance abuse.

Believe me, nothing ices down a water-cooler discussion on “no-good drunks and addicts” like saying saying, “I’m an alcoholic, why don’t you ask me about the subject?”

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A recent report by ABC News details the trend of young women posting pictures on social networking sites such as Facebook that show them drunk or drugged and often in compromising positions.

My first thought upon reading this story was, “look at what those crazy kids are doing today!” Then I thought back to my drinking days (what I can remember), before the days of blackouts, tremors, and anxiety attacks when I considered drinking “cool”. Back to the time when the highlight of the weekend was playing a game of presidents and assholes with Ouzo or the time when we hog-tied in duck tape one of our passed out compatriots and hung him upside down from a stairwell… and I know I have no room to talk.

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Newsweek does a very good job this week with a feature called “The War on Addiction”. It includes some great information on the new medicines being developed to combat addiction by The National Institute of Drug Abuse which is headed up by one of my personal heroes, Dr. Nora Volkow. I really appreciate the way Newsweek did not concentrate just on the science and wow-factor of these new medicines, instead in this week’s addition you will find three different stories each highlighting a different front of this “War on Addiction”. I have provided a link and a quote from each of the stories and highly recommend them for your reading pleasure.

What Addicts Need: So for this new paradigm to take hold, a lot of long-held prejudices will have to change. Doctors (and insurance companies) will have to get used to the idea of medicating their addicted patients, rather than handing them a brochure for AA, which a study published in 2005 in The New England Journal of Medicine found was the most common form of "treatment" offered. "If you have hypertension and it flares up, you go to a specialist," says psychologist Thomas McLellan of the University of Pennsylvania. "The specialist doesn't discharge you to a church basement. If he did, we would call it malpractice."

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I am a worry wart; it’s a common trait of alcoholics and addicts (when sober). My recovery program allows me to accept my little quirks of checking to make sure the doors are locked or coffee pot is off, even though it has an automatic shutoff, three times before I leave the house. In fact, understanding my obsessive nature has allowed me to use this part of my nature to an advantage in my professional life managing projects.

So you can imagine the thoughts that raced through my head as I found out I was packed like a sardine shoulder to shoulder with a doctor specializing in infectious disease for a two hour plane flight from Phoenix to Houston. After resigning myself to the fact that I couldn’t hold my breath for the duration of trip there was no choice but breathe and make the most of the opportunity to speak with someone who probably had a unique perspective on the adverse health effects of addictive drug use. He did, in fact he had a whole lecture on the subject, so I’ll give you the high points.

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Screedler alerted me to this too funny headline earlier this month. No mention of the humorous wording makes me believe that the publishers of this submission were totally clueless on the double entendre, but that just makes this story that much funnier.

Police searching a downtown home found a man hiding 15 plastic bags of crack cocaine in his buttocks... Lynch was charged with possession with the intent to distribute crack cocaine, possession of crack cocaine, possession of drug paraphernalia, obstructing and hindering and making a false statement to police officers.~ MyFoxDC.com

So here’s a TDA salute to the same news outfits that have covered Marion Barry antics for so many years regardless if they knew how funny this really was!

By no means is the thought unique to alcoholism and addiction, but I certainly succumbed to a “lost cause” mentality. “What’s the use,” I would say contemplating sobriety, “I can’t even perform the most basic of tasks without having a drink.” Though a little embarrassed to admit it, even in recovery I have often surrendered to thought that helping others with addiction was quixotic because of the utter enormity and futility of the task.

It is easy to fall prey to this type of thinking; been there and done that as an alcoholic, in recovery and dealing with addicts and alcoholics, and now in the work I do with the substance abuse task force. But recovery has taught me that nothing happens without taking that initial first step, even if it is a very small one. With each following step the way becomes easier and the tasks become more manageable. Along this same line, a small step made by many can move mountains, and this will be the purpose of the new TDA blogroll.

“Nobody makes a greater mistake than he who does nothing because he could only do a little” ~Edmund Burke

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The Discovering Alcoholic will be going through a site upgrade for the next 24 hrs as promised at the beginning of the year. Please bear with us as there may be periods of interrupted service, but be on the lookout for our new look that will follow.

Increased spam protection, improved visibility, easier comment posting, and a new blogroll of advocates are features of the new site that I believe will improve the interaction and user experience. We will probably lose some of the most recent comments, but all of the main content from the old site will be included in the new. Once the site is up, please feel free to comment or e-mail me with your thoughts, suggestions, or bug discovery.

Thank you for your patience!

You will remember screedler from his Letters From Hell series that was a weekly favorite. He is now keeping us up to date as he continues his struggle through court ordered insanity and his own successful recovery.

As I was walking (my driving license has been revoked) from my place of employment to my random drug test; I thought about how much easier it would be to stay sober if it weren’t for the “powers that be”. Be it court ordered, probation officer ordered, court referral officer ordered, group therapy ordered or social ordered I have become less than human. I have lost all my freedoms except for what I eat and the right to smoke. Even though I am not incarcerated (anymore) I still have to pee with someone staring at my unit and be somewhere I don’t want to be most any hour of the day.

The court winds me up and sends me on my way each day to my numerous appointments. Let’s see; what will it be this hour – a drug test. No not yet – an AA meeting. Definitely later. Right now – beg someone to take me (drive) to my probation officer. Maybe I can swing by and see my court referral officer too. Well, if I can’t work any of those things in I can always attend some of my 6 hours a week of “alcohol and drug awareness classes” – that’s always fun. And you might ask? Screedler; how can I have such a vibrant schedule – well let me tell you – it aint free.

Here’s how it breaks down:

Drug tests: $20 a pop – sometimes twice a week
Classes: $40 a pop - twice a week
Probation officer: $30 a visit at least once a month
Court Referral Officer: $20 once a month
AA three times a week: free; but I do drop my share in the bucket.

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