addiction recovery

Contributed by our friend Erin over at:

I can honestly say that for the most part, I don't think about using drugs. There was a time when that was all I thought about but luckily, that's not the case anymore. That's not to say that I don't ever think about it...I do.

What I have found is that I will have urges to use in two scenarios. One is when I'm going to a social function. I still have a mild case of social anxiety. Maybe by calling it social anxiety I am making more out of it than it really is. It takes me a little while to feel comfortable in social settings. It is in the midst of me feeling uncomfortable that I start to think about "the good old days" when I would numb this anxiety with the use of drugs.

The other scenario involves any kind of turmoil or tension between my husband and I. It's really weird, we'll have a fight about something, which married couples do from time to time, and my first instinct is to say "I wanna get effed up". It's like a knee jerk reaction to me feeling anger towards him. "Ooh, I'll show him, I'll get whacked out". Ya, that will show him alright.

Luckily I have come to recognize these moments for what they are. Yes they are cravings, but it is a direct result of me needing work in certain areas. I need to work on better ways of overcoming my social anxiety. I need to work on better ways of communicating and dealing with my anger towards my husband when the situation arises.

I guess you could say that I need to improve on my coping skills. I'm hoping that by recognizing this in myself, and trying to find a way to improve on this I will have a different knee jerk reaction when presented with these situations. One which doesn't involve my thought automatically turning towards drugs.

Is that even possible? I honestly can't tell you one way or the other. I can say that I have my doubts. There is a reason that people are in recovery for the rest of their life right? Maybe that reason is because there is no real changing of addictive thinking, there is only recognition of it.

Right now my only defense against addictive thinking is the certainty that it is there, and that it is what it is. I would really love to hear other people's thoughts on this. Has anyone gotten past their tendency for addictive thinking?

Thanks for the post! You can read more from Bill Urell at Addiction Recovery Basics.

I think getting honest about recovery can actually be called Step 0 in recovery. Before we tackle anything else, is absolutely necessary to get completely honest. Why? So we can accurately define our problem. Dishonesty often becomes a way of life for most people engaged in addictive behavior. We lie to ourselves and others about our behaviors our feelings and our use. We construct what is almost a fantasy land of lies and self deception to enable and permit us to continue to use.

Even in active addiction recovery, it is tough to break those old habits of self deception and lying. Dishonesty can often become woven into the very fabric of our lives. Not only do we fear being found out in our deceptions, but there is a great deal of fear associated with actually telling the truth. The Catch-22 here is that you cannot enter a meaningful recovery while practicing lies and self deception.

The first person you have to start telling the truth with is yourself. The kind of truth where you go into the bathroom close the door behind you look yourself right in the eyes in the mirror and ask some questions. Am I really ready to commit to this? Have I suffered enough? When you get some honest answers to questions such as those, you can truly enter into addiction recovery with a good foundation in place.