The Disappearing Alcoholic

Being more by becoming less would be a good way to explain my definition of spirituality. Helping others without any ulterior motive other than the fact it makes one feel good, yeah its sounds easy but for the diseased selfish mind of an alcoholic or addict it is a very foreign concept.

Even after years of sobriety and good deeds, the “becoming less” part of the equation can be elusive. By this I mean taking oneself out of the picture totally, becoming the disappearing alcoholic. Doing something without looking for a reward from the person helped or those that notice- instead generating that reward, good feeling from within. That’s spirituality… something I had replaced many years ago with alcohol. It’s a huge part of my recovery process now, but still something that for me comes less than naturally.

Those who work the twelve steps would consider it the last, “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts and alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” For me it’s less about carrying the message (even though my name tag reads Discovering Alcoholic) as it is following through with the practice of selfless service. I know selfless service may sound like an awful lofty goal, but for those of us who battle addictions it should be considered one of the benchmarks for recovery. It’s evolution, moving from the quest of seeking reward from external substances and sources to enjoying a spirituality that we personally create through our thoughts and actions.

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Just as the old timers who are currently practicing the twelfth step will tell you, there is no end to the process. There is no shortage of those in need in this world, and there is not one of us too poor or ill-equipped to offer a smile or a simple kind word.

Recovering alcoholic.

Discovering Alcoholic.

Disappearing Alcoholic.

They all imply a work in progress- and that things will only get better. You may not see my face in the picture, but be rest assured I am smiling.