Powerless: A Definition not Exactly Set in Concrete

I am an ardent supporter of the twelve steps and especially admire AA, but I rarely attend these types of meetings even though they have greatly influenced my personal recovery program. There is not a conflicting interest or cloaked animosity, just a recovering alcoholic that has found his own way, “and works it because it works.”

So it is rare that I will post a “step” topic, but I ran across a piece that I really liked over at Sober Mojo on the first step, particularly the definition of powerless. Now for me, this is the one step that leads little open for interpretation.

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

It takes very little effort for me to recall how helpless and ineffectual I had become while consumed by alcoholism. Totally dominated, I needed to drink to live and every waking moment was spent in pursuit of sustenance. In complete servitude, I had been beaten down physically so that I shook and bled internally yet still I worshipped my master. My addiction to alcohol taught me what true and complete power really was… and I knew without a doubt that I had absolutely none.

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I could continue, but for those that have not experienced the mental derangement of an addiction it would just be more of the same- and after reading the hundredth paragraph they would think to themselves, "but all you had to do was stop, you just lacked the willpower." So let's add to the list being totally defenseless against an enemy that no one else can even see and not having the knowledge or tools to do a damn thing about it.

I am hesitant to continue, to give an answer set in concrete, reducing the definition of powerless as it pertains to my relationship with alcohol down to an abbreviated line of text because it affected my entire being. My relationships, health, family, friends, finances, and spirituality- no single definition can cover all these topics. So I would rather convey my definition of powerless as the time in my life when I believed that not only did I not possess the strength to stop drinking, but did not believe that anyone or anything else could help me, I had absolutely no hope. Yeah it’s not exactly well defined, but when triggered, the memories of this time in my life evoke such a visceral response that they serve as one of the most powerful tools in my recovery arsenal. Even just a slight whiff of this feeling is enough to make me appreciate the most gloomy of sober days.

And this is the reason why I wanted to mention the post over at Sober Mojo. Not for his definition of powerlessness or recognition of the same but rather his acceptance of the fact and willingness to use this as a tool in recovery.

For me, admitting I am powerless is not an act of indignity or something I am ashamed of, it is quite the opposite. For this alcoholic it is the ultimate an act of self-determination and a sign that I am traveling down the right road. ~ Sober Mojo

Bravo, my friend- well stated and deserving of a TDA Salute.