Much to my wife’s chagrin in company I identify myself as an alcoholic when I feel it is relevant. Although definitely a topic for discussion this post is not about the fact that I can say this comfortably in public, instead it is about what I often do not say… “Recovering”.
This point was brought up in a meeting not too long ago as we were discussing some of the reasons I openly admit my alcoholism. These reasons include 1) to put others with addictions at ease when we are discussing personal issues, 2) to make family members and friends realize this is a common problem and there should be no shame in coming out talking about these sorts of problems, 3) to serve as an example that just because one is an alcoholic, doesn’t mean they have to be a gutter drunk, and 4) to stand up when others speak act discriminately or have gross misconceptions about the subject of alcoholism and substance abuse.
Believe me, nothing ices down a water-cooler discussion on “no-good drunks and addicts” like saying saying, “I’m an alcoholic, why don’t you ask me about the subject?”
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Now back to the issue of dropping the “recovering” caveat. I don’t know exactly when I started doing this, but many of those in my recovery group have noticed I often don’t use the qualifier. I guess the reason is I no longer feel the stigma that so many want to relate with the title. The recovering part should be obvious enough to anyone that has half a brain and an opinion that I would care to value.
There is something to be said for the anonymity of groups like AA. There was a time in my life that I was petrified that someone would find out about my disease. But that is a bygone era, today I am proud of how far I have come and pleased with the rewards of my recovery. I do not cringe at what others may think and in fact often seek out those who would malign the less fortunate desperately trying to improve their lives against almost insurmountable odds.
I owe it all to my ongoing recovery, so much that I do not even feel the need to mention it when telling people that:
“I am an alcoholic.”
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I full well remember how paronoid I was about anyone finding out I was an alcoholic. Eventually as I devloped more inner acceptance of my disease I began to relax.
Real problems, however, were experinced by my wife (now ex-wife). She did not accept I was an alcoholic, did not want to be associated with an alcoholic, and wanted to keep drinking excessively herself.
I saw she was not my problem and soon accepted that the marriage was over. She married another drinking alcoholic within six months of our divorce.
Het, great blog, keep on one day at a time.
I guess being comfortable with "it" comes with time.
Just last Friday, I was with a crowd watching the basketball tournament (my father included) at a sports bar when he asks loudly how my meeting went and what wisdom my sponsor had to impart (I had just returned from an afternoon AA meeting where my sponsor was speaking at length). I didn't know what to say; except that I did not want to talk about it at the moment. He gave me a quizzical look and dropped the subject. I don't know if anyone else heard the comment except the bartender or if they would have understood the comment; but regardless; I felt a wave of embarrassment.
I'll admit that I am a little too concerned with what others think, but at the same time, it's not something I like to bring to the foreground, except when I feel comfortable. Not interjected into a typical conversation by someone else, regardless of how well they know me.
In my mind, for all I know this bartender's cousin was an alcoholic that molested him. Now, you might think that's taking it a bit far - but how many good things do alcoholics do and what does society think of them in general. The best one can hope for is Otis of Mayberry - not Betty Ford or President Bush for that matter.
In the appropriate place (amongst others of my own kind) - I have no problem whatsoever with describing myself as an alcoholic, but in the general public, I still would prefer not to bring up that I am an alcoholic. It is hard enough to change people's minds that know and love you that you are sincere in your recovery; much less a bartender, golfing partner, potential possible girlfriend, or a potential business partner.
I applaud TDA's openness and someday maybe I'll be the same.
But for now, I can't even use my real name here - Screedler
OK , it's Donel - there; I said it.
It's nice to be amongst people you know.
I don't go screaming from the rooftops that I'm an a recovering addict but when it is relevant...I usually don't have any problem telling people.
I have never had any problems with this and in fact I usually get words of encouragement from people who's so and so is also in recovery so they realize just how difficult it can be at times.
I think in the beginning I kind of used this tactic as an insurance policy that the more people I told the less chances to "get away" with this or that there would be.
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