Goodbye Old Friend

I said goodbye to an old friend today and laid to rest my cat, companion, and confidant of thirteen years. He is survived by his brother/littermate and a host of fond memories that will keep him forever in my thoughts. I thought about posting a recent picture but decided he would have appreciated it more if I showed him off in one of his favorite poses, with exposed belly and splayed legs viewing the world through the slitted eyes of lazy contentment. This often displayed, blatantly immodest mode of sleep never failed to make my wife and I smile and I can think of no better way to remember my old friend.

But this is a recovery blog, and as a sober cat he would have expected a relevant tribute. So in honor of Thing 2, I would like to tell you about what he has taught me about the second step.

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Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

My personal interpretation on the second step over the years could be defined as fluid at best, but in times like today I realize “evolving” is a better description. Early in my recovery I would have explained this power as an external deity or supernatural force. As my recovery matured, I began to think of the same force but originating from within. I discount neither still, however today concentrate more on escaping the selfishness (ourselves) that is indicative of addiction and appreciating the world around us and helping others when possible. I am not talking about a life of strict self sacrifice, but it was not before I was able to put others ahead of myself that I felt an internal reward.

This reward was not brought about by a substance, victory, or acquisition- but produced from within for the purest of reasons. I had found what I now think of as spirituality, and it is a power greater than ourselves because although produced from within it is rare we can produce it on our own.

With our animals this lesson is easily learned, I believe we instinctively care for our pets and truly expect little in return. They will not inflate our egos or buy us presents, but the unconditional love and devotion that mutually develops is a reward of far greater value. It works in much of the same manner with humans and life in general, it’s just that the distractions and complications are much harder to ignore.

There is also great strength to be found in this “Power” of spirituality. Yes, I felt sorry for myself today and mourned my loss- but it was short-lived and cathartic, tonight I am already switching gears reflecting back upon the great joy that my cat brought into my life over the last thirteen years. Goodbye old friend, and thank you for being a part of my life.