Dear Abby, Let Me Handle This One

Dear Abby is known for doling out some good advice and her recent suggestion to the wife of a binge drinker was spot on. AA meetings and a checkup from the doctor for STD’s to make sure that blackouts weren’t the only thing he was “experiencing” are logical steps. However, I think there may be a better way to handle this.

There is no doubt that binge drinkers have a good chance of becoming alcoholic, but an episode a month probably means he’s still only abusing alcohol. Since over the course of time his binges have tapered down from every weekend to the present monthly occurrence the problem seems to be getting better instead of worse. He is 36 now, so probably by the time he is 50 he will have matured out of his frat boy stage and stopped all together. The key here is to speed up the process. It seems to me that pressuring AA on this guy will probably do little more than get him defensive and angry or worse, rev up his denial engine. I will give you better odds arguing with a jackass.

My advice. Set the stage so it becomes very apparent in his eyes that he has failed the family because of his drinking. Make sure events are planned for the next morning after his outings. Let him know how much stress it puts the family under when he chooses drinking over being a father and a husband. Men are very dense animals, make him understand its not the night out with the boys, IT’S THE DRINKING STUPID!

With any luck he will figure this out for himself and quit the abusive drinking. He may even seek out AA on his own if necessary. The worse case that can happen is that you have to fall back to the plan of directly urging him to seek help. Every situation is unique I know, but it’s a fact that people with substance abuse and addiction problems have a better chance at recovery when they work things out on their own (setting the stage doesn’t hurt though).