Yeah right. They say confession is good for the soul and certainly there is a feeling of liberation when we unburden ourselves to our peers. I think I’ve heard it all from “I have been a terrible friend” to “I should have been sentenced to life”, but it is extremely rare to hear anyone speak of how of bad a parent they are. Sure, we’ve probably all heard the regrets of the parents with older estranged kids or those lamenting the fact their children have been taken away. It is my experience however, that those still using or drinking are much more likely to say, “But, I’ve been a good parent.”
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In reality, if they have shown any consideration for their children at all it is only after they have fed their addiction. When in the throes of an addiction the drug of choice is one’s top priority, not ballgames or recitals. I get grief for saying this, but it is true in every case: If you are a practicing alcoholic or addict, your kids are at best number two in your life.
While many will attend to the needs of their children out of a perverted sense of responsibility, they gain no satisfaction from this act. Their drug of choice is the only thing that can provide any emotional reward. It’s the nature of the beast, an addiction eventually consumes all thoughts and actions and children of addicted parents will eventually be neglected at best but the results are usually much worse.
Inevitably someone will read this and respond by saying that they are still using, but that they are a good parent.
My answer: I am the wrong person you need to convince, think about it.
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Your comments are right on regarding users and their parenting. The addiction completely takes over as the number one priority in the addicts life. There is really no avoiding that.
Hopefully, like you said, the child becomes the users second priority. If not, that's when you run into cases of parents losing custody of their child to the state due to neglect or things of that nature.
Admitting that you are a bad parent is probably the hardest thing that you would ever have to admit to yourself let alone a group of people. That doesn't mean that you don't have to admit it. You need to take full responsibility for your actions even though they were a direct cause of your addiction.
I have a 4 year old child, I'm a recovering addict...I have some experience on this topic. Luckily, I hit my bottom before any major problems involving my child occurred due to my addiction. For the time that I was using I was not the best parent that I could be. Sad but true.
A friend I grew up with discovered this about himself over two years ago and hasn't missed an NA meeting since. It's something that will rightly anger many people, because its true, but putting it out in the open like this maybe we will see more people like my friend reflect and act upon it.
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